Confession plus day 2 and 3 of blog challenge

I know. I said I was going to post everyday. And then I missed the very next day. I know. I was just so drained yesterday. Between school and trying to help my sister with her resume and helping her boyfriend apply for new jobs, and trying to calm my mother down... I was just wiped out! It was just one thing after another yesterday and I am just crossing my fingers that my phone won't ring today. I don't want to be bombarded by anyone else's problems today. I'm pretty sure I may even be avoiding Facebook today so that I just don't have to do it!

My mother (God bless her) has a bit of an alcohol problem. I love her when she's sober, but she's a mess when she's been drinking. Last night, she was convinced we all hate her. It wasn't the first time she has believed that. But it was the first time I didn't try to correct her. When she's like that, there's no talking her down. And it used to be that she would remember what occurred the night before (or so she would say). But now that we remember what happened the night before, we are realizing how much she doesn't. We have a lot of "oh, yeah" moments from her. And a lot of, "I don't want to be my father," moments. And last night, we had an, "I'm going to AA," moment. That was a first. But my mom loves pity when she's drunk. It allows her to escape her guilt or feel forgiven. And she also loves attention. So it is hard for me to believe she might actually do it. I want her to do it. I would love it if she does. But I've learned that you can't trust the word of someone who's been drinking.

But enough of that depressing stuff. Let's move on to the challenge!!

First we have Day 02: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name. My blog name is "My Live-Laugh-Love Life." I called it that because that is my goal. I want to Live Life, Laugh Lots, and Love Forever! I really do want to be more positive and more realistic. The header "Baby Steps" is how I plan to get there, one Baby Step at a time. You can't expect yourself to just go from point A to point B without taking the steps to get there. And steps that are too big or too quick can be scary, so I've decided to just ease my way in that direction.

And to catch us up, Day 03: A Picture of You and Your Friends.

This is Brielle, me, and Krys. This was taken before Krys's wedding in 2010. We've since separated, but I still call them my friends.

This is me and my sister. She is one of my best friends. I can tell her literally anything!

These are my sisters-in-law and me at the 5k Cystic Fibrosis walk. I'm proud to also call them my friends.

30 Day Blog Challenge

So recently I've been reading my friend's blogs and realized that while I only posted a few posts, I actually missed blogging. I was using it for an outlet at first and then I just stopped and I really have no idea why, actually. I saw that a friend had started a 30 day photo challenge on her blog and I thought, why not? So I went and found this list. I figure that if I set just a few minutes aside every day for 30 days to complete this challenge, it might motivate me to blog more. Because right now, I have A LOT to say!

The 30 day blog challenge goes as follows:

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Your favorite song.

Today is  Day 01: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself. 

This photo was taken at my sister-in-law's bachelorette party. We had so much fun that night! Except for the weird guy who bought our table a round of drinks and then waited almost an hr before coming over. He started out by saying he was ugly and old and didn't expect anything for the drinks but... Yeah, he expect a lot. From all of us. It was bad!!

So let's start the facts there, shall we??

01) In just 5 days, I am going to be a bridesmaid in my sister-in-law's wedding. We got to pick our own dresses and I think we picked some good ones! I'll post pics from the wedding sometime next week. =)

02) I have kissed a girl. And it was no big thing. That song was a total hype!!

03) Whenever I walk, my big toes will sometimes pop. I can't sneak up on anyone.

04) I just celebrated my 6 year wedding anniversary and I still have not changed my last name.

05) I am in love with accents. Just not all accents. I love listening to people from Europe(just about any country) or Australia talk because, for whatever reason, I find it so damn fascinating!

06) Speaking of accents, when I listen to someone who has an accent, be it one mentioned above or, like, a southern accent, I have a tendency to slowly add it to my speech. I don't mean to, I really don't. Most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. And it is a force of will if I don't do it. But if I do it to you, please know I am not mocking you. It just happens.

07) I am a daddy's girl. I love my mother dearly(and she will be featured in many a blog, I'm sure), but she annoys the crap outta me! My daddy is my hero and I love him and he understands me and... now I sound like I'm five. Gorsh...

08) I blush really easy. I'm not one to get embarrassed or offended, I just blush. A lot. And sometimes it gets really annoying because people LOVE LOVE LOVE to comment on it! Yes, I know I'm blushing... We don't need to alert the local media...

09) Besides my husband and child, my sisters are my favorite people in the whole wide world to be around. Growing up, we fought like cats and dogs and now we are just about inseparable. I think it was the whole separating thing that did it. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

10) I truly believe my cousin Julie and I were actually sisters but we were just separated. She and I have a lot of the same thoughts and feelings about various topics. It makes me proud to be able to call her cousin!

11) I love to dance, but I don't do it well. To prove it, in May of 08, I was out with some friends dancing and ended up dislocating my knee cap. Luckily, no damage was done to the surrounding tissue, but to this day, it's still really weak.

12) My favorite flower is a lily. It used to be carnations, but now I kinda think they're ugly...

13) I have this thing for carbs. I love pastas, breads and rice. But I hate potatoes.

14) My daughter was born 3 weeks and 3 days early, 3 days after my 18th birthday. If she were born on her due date, her birthday would be in 4 days. Do the math. =D

15) I would love to learn how to ride horses. Problem is, once I'm up, I get scared and, well, things don't usually end well.

So that's it for day 01. A little peak into who I am. Kinda scary, huh?! 

Center of Attention

My astrological sign is Leo. One of the characteristics of the ego-centric Leo is that we must be the center of attention or you will feel the might of our wrath! Okay, I made the last part up, but more or less it's true.

I'm not the one for being the center of attention. I don't like when people are focused on me because for some reason it seems to increase the odds of me making a fool of myself by 100 fold. I get nervous and self-conscious and will more than likely end up face-first on the ground, or with my foot in my mouth. It's true!

That being said, I hate it when attention isn't paid to me. I turn into this surly, nasty mess of a person. When people aren't talking to me, I will find a way to get into the conversation. I get pouty when my ideas are not taken into consideration. Basically, I turn into a 3 year old but with less screaming. Most of the time.

Basically I want to be the center of one person(or a few people's) attention at a time. I want to coast in that middle ground like normal people. Except I like more petting and recognition than most people. I'm an atta-girl searcher. I really want to know what what I've done well and how much you liked it. (Not here, mind you. I reiterate- this is for me!) I love my ego stroked more than the norm, I know this and I try very hard not to get disappointed when people don't  automatically bow down and tell me how freakin amazing I am. I have a tendency to pick apart compliments when they aren't as high as I would have liked.  I wonder what you're really thinking instead of just feeling happy with what you said to me. I try to read between the lines and over-analyze and just fill myself with doubt. Irrational? Hell, yeah, it is. But that doesn't stop me from doing it.

Anyway, this was all on my mind last night and tonight while with my husband and some friends. I was being included and yet, I couldn't help but feel completely ignored. So I'm finding myself completely withdrawn and putting on the happy face. Bubbly Brandi, always. I don't want to be the one who's down. But I am, so it doesn't last long. Someone always notices and that drives me nuts, because then I get put into the center of attention and I feel like a fool.

I don't want to be the fool.

Status Shuffle

...is trying to keep myself from going insane. wakin up every morning with a fake smile on my face, trying to forget the thing that my mind won't erase.

The real status I wanted to post today.

Flowers

Last night, my husband said to me, "Even after almost 9 years, I still can't get enough of you!" Then he pulled me in for a sweet kiss. It was romantic and it made me smile. It gave the warm and fuzzies you hear about all the time and experience on brief occasions. Then, later, I feel asleep in his arms on the couch. It was really nice.

This morning, I signed onto Facebook and saw that my father-in-law gave my mother-in-law a dozen gorgeous red roses. Now, I'm not really a rose fan. I think they're pretty, but I also think they're kinda staid and cliche. But it got me thinking. When was the last time I got flowers? And I thought about it... and I thought about it... And I realized that the last time I got flowers was almost two years ago! And then I got a little hurt.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't base my relationship on gifts he does or doesn't get me. I love him and am so happy being with him. And yes he does have his own way of showing me he loves me. He really is a wonderful man. But I miss the flowers and candy and dinner thing. The last time he and I went out to dinner on our own was for my 23rd birthday. But that's not the problem.

The problem is that I am jealous of those flowers. I love getting flowers, but it hasn't happened in a while. And for some reason I feel like crying. So gift to me!!

Yay, virtual flowers!

Special thanks!

I wanted this post to be separate because, well, it just needs to be. There was was just so much done yesterday and it needed to be acknowledged.

To, B, the best sister in the world, thank you for always being there when I need you(and, boy howdy, did I need you yesterday!). You made the day go so much smoother with everything you did. My living room and bathroom have never been cleaner and that's due to your hard work. You did so much for me yesterday as you do for me most times. I don't know if told you thank you yesterday, but a hundred times, thank you!

And to my hubby, C, thank you for being so committed to that yard yesterday. It looks great. I hope you rest easy today!!

Oh, way too early...

After yesterday, I just want to die! So much freakin work! You saw what I went through in the first half of my day. After I got to my dad's, my sister made dinner while I ran to the store for cheese and coffee(not for dinner, of course), and I ended up running into an old coworker and we talked for 45 min(not why I want to die, hang on!), and by the time I got home, she had dinner almost done, just chopping veggies for the chicken tacos. They were fantastic! Good job, sis! Went to put the food away and no zipper baggies... great. No plastic wrap, either, only foil and I won't put chopped veggies or the uncooked chicken in that. Gross. So my sister runs back to the store for baggies. She was gone 45 min, too. Not sure why. So I figured she cooked, I'll clean. Not sure who got the better end of that bargain...

The kitchen wasn't really that bad as all things go, but after all the cleaning I did before going to my dad's, it was enough. I was exhausted before I got there and after dishes and getting food put away, all I wanted to do was sit! But anytime I sat, I could feel all the tension in my middle and lower back, and lemme tell you, it hurt. And then standing back up... it was work. Dear, oh dear...

Now, it's a little after 7. I've been up since 5:30 am and I didn't get to bed until a little after midnight. I had so much trouble getting to sleep last night because of my back, and getting out of bed was just painful(not just because of lack of sleep). Today is another dual babysitting day where I end up babysitting all the kids.

I think it's gonna be a long day.

Thank goodness!!! ...I think

I knew today was gonna be a tough day. For starters, I had planned about a week ago to go over to my dad's house and try to increase his culinary repertoire. Easy-peasy! Two days ago, we informed our landlord that we could no longer afford to live in the house, so we needed to move out. All was good as far as us moving out, they had no problem as long as we stayed the 45 days agreed upon in the lease. Our lease was up at the end of the month anyway. We just had to make sure the house was ready for viewings at any time. No problem!

That is until yesterday when they called and informed us that they had an interested party who wanted to view the house the next evening(this evening at this point). That was fast!! They hadn't even put up the For Rent sign yet!! So I obliged(like I could actually say no) and went into panic mode. I mean, it's not like we live like pigs, or anything, but I knew there was A LOT of laundry that needed to be done and, well, I hadn't done a deep clean... ever. So I knew today was going to be a VERY busy day.

My sister(bless her heart!) came over and helped me and we spent from 11 am- 4:30pm just cleaning The front half of the house. And cleaning. Oh, and cleaning some more(I think it's cleaner than when I moved in!).  By that point we still had the three bedrooms we needed to clean, laundry etc. There was no way we could get it done. So what did we do? Cleaned like a 3 year old. EVERYTHING went under the beds, beds got made to cover and vacuuming commenced. We were on the third bedroom, only one of them actually vacuumed, when my landlord called at 5 and said the appointment cancelled. Yay!! ...I think.

On the plus side, it means we don't have to clean anymore today! No more rush, no more panic. But on the other hand, that means I still have more cleaning ahead of me later... under the beds. Argh!! But my house has never been cleaner!

Now off to my dad's to cook for him. Wish me luck!

My favorite time of day

I like to say to people who have babies, "I remember what that was like..." My daughter is 7 years old so I can usually say been there, done that. After all, what has a toddler done that my baby hasn't?

Well, a strange fact occurred to me today. I have no effing clue!! After I was promoted to customer(what we called being fired at my last job), I became a stay at home mom desperately trying to find a job. So, (hopefully) temporarily, I babysit my niece and nephew who are 3 and 2 respectively. I also babysit my sister's friend's daughter who is a whole whopping 18 mos. When I was asked to do it, I thought, "No problem. Been there, done that." Yeah, no.

I come home more tired everyday when I watch just one. I find that my patience at the end of the day is nil to none and my motivation is... well, it ran out the door when I woke up. I am mentally drained, physically exhausted, and emotionally cracked by 7 pm. My day doesn't usually end until about midnight. I'm sure you can see how the rest of my day goes. =)

With all the stress it's a wonder there is a time of day I look forward to! But there is. Right now. I'm sitting in it right now, as I type. Bedtime. Glorious, glorious bedtime. Big sigh of relief!

Today I had all three, 1 in the morning, the other 2 at night. I was frazzled by the time I got here and chasing 2 toddlers with more energy then I could ever know what to do with, well, makes me wanna pull my hair out. I love my hair. But 8 pm hit and suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Down for bed they go! Now I sit in the first moment of silence I've had since 5:30 this morning and the only thing I'm missing is my glass of wine... Guess beggars can't be choosers. =)

One Step at a Time...

There's no need to rush/It's like learning to fly/Or falling in love...

That's how I want to live. And that is why I've started this blog. This blog is to chronicle my baby steps, my journey through life.

My goal with this blog is not to get viewers, followers, or comments. To be frank, I don't care if this is never viewed because more or less, this is just for me. Would I love if I had followers? Absolutely. But that is not what is necessary. This is my outlet and a way for me to remember those moments that touched me, whether good or bad.

So to anyone who does decide to follow, thank you. If I don't follow you already, I will. But I have to let you know, and may this be a warning for everyone: If my blog is offensive to anyone, you are more than welcome to leave and never read me again. As I said before, this is for me, not you. I'm not gonna go out of my way just to make you happy. I've done that too long... but that is another blog.

So I'm just gonna take it one step at a time, and this is step one...